Top Ten Mistakes in a Zombie Film

If you're going to survive a zombie outbreak, there are some things you will need to keep in mind not to do:

1. If you live anywhere near an industry that produces toxic waste of an unknown type, don't just sit around, move to a different town! This toxic waste will eventually somehow contaminate the area and turn everyone but you into cannibal zombies.
   
2. Do not read from any books written in blood and bound in human skin, or listen to any tapes made thereof. This has a tendency to cause zombies to appear.
   
3. If you pick a place to hide out, make sure that there are no dead people already inside, since they will eventually become zombies and attack you.
   
4. Don't try and reason with any zombies, just run. They may appear to be paying attention to you, but that is because they are actually trying to gauge the quickest way through your skull.
   
5. Don't use a blunt instrument if you have to fight zombies. This will only break a bone or two and make them mad. Projectile weapons are the most effective (but only if you can consistently hit the brain). Otherwise, chainsaws and lawnmowers have been known to work in a pinch.
   
6. If any of your friends die, don't just let them lie there (assuming that there's anything left). Make sure and shoot them in the head. Otherwise, they will rise again and somehow find you later when you least expect it, and you'll have to shoot them in the head then anyway.
   
7. If you are trapped by zombies with someone that you don't get along with, keep a close eye on that person. Experience has shown that conflict within a group of defenders can provoke irrational actions, leading to the demise of one or more of the group.
   
8. While trapped inside a building by zombies, don't go near the windows, even boarded up ones. The zombies will stand outside moaning quietly to themselves until you are right by the window, and then they will suddenly punch through it and grab you. The other zombies will try and distract you by pounding on the doors and walls, and saying "Braaaaaains".
   
9. If you have to run through a crowd of zombies, don't get too confident just because they have limited brain power and move slowly. Zombies have a death grip (no pun intended), and if you get too close to one, you'll regret it.
   
10. If you're trapped in a farmhouse by a zombie horde, don't just sit there waiting for rescuers. Use your spare time to make a big sign that says "DON'T SHOOT ME, I'M HUMAN!" so that said rescuers don't make a mistake when they see you.